The alarm goes off at 7:30 am. I look in my fridge and I see 3 brown organic eggs, sliced American cheese and cilantro. Decision: Should I make an omelet or should I just pick up a bacon, egg and cheese on an everything bagel at Toasties? I collapse on my bed and rest for another 10 minutes before realizing I have to get ready for work or I’ll be late. I go for lunch at 2:00 pm. Before I leave, I weigh out the options. Do i want a salad or panini? Maybe I’ll go for that slice of pizza…or maybe not. I go to Hale and Hearty and see an array of wraps and sandwiches. I give them a stare down for about 10 minutes, before I decide on half a southwest chicken wrap. Then, I smell a whiff of some tomato basil soup. Ok…should I settle for both?
Although these seem like insignificant decisions, this behavior has permeated every other part of my life. I have become so consumed by the idea of “options,” that sometimes the fear of making the wrong decision or the idea of settling for second best drives me crazy. I go out to dinner and scan the menu. Sea scallops, filet mignon, and salmon grab my attention. “Are you ready to order?” “Uh…no. I still need a few more minutes, thanks.” The waiter comes by another two times and I decide that whatever comes out of my mouth first is the final decision I will make.
I go to a store. I spot 3 dresses I want, but have a limited budget. Which will I choose? What’s the most practical choice? What makes me feel like a million bucks? Impulse drives the decision here.
I like to think that I’m very self aware. I like what I like, and what I don’t. However, it seems that I can’t choose out of the likes category. I drove the love of my life away because I couldn’t decide if having a solid future with him in the long run would actually happen. I couldn’t conceive of the idea that if I made the wrong decision, I would regret it the rest of my life. Now, realizing the consequences of my actions, I want to prove that he’s the one I want to fight for to have back in my life. I want to push forward and be able to decisions without the fear of things possibly going wrong. My heart knows what it wants. I’m willing to take the risk….but what if it doesn’t work? What if it’s too late?
Ugh, I have a headache already.