A day in the life of one who can’t decide

The alarm goes off at 7:30 am. I look in my fridge and I see 3 brown organic eggs, sliced American cheese and cilantro. Decision: Should I make an omelet or should I just pick up a bacon, egg and cheese on an everything bagel at Toasties? I collapse on my bed and rest for another 10 minutes before realizing I have to get ready for work or I’ll be late. I go for lunch at 2:00 pm. Before I leave, I weigh out the options. Do i want a salad or panini? Maybe I’ll go for that slice of pizza…or maybe not. I go to Hale and Hearty and see an array of wraps and sandwiches. I give them a stare down for about 10 minutes, before I decide on half a southwest chicken wrap. Then, I smell a whiff of some tomato basil soup. Ok…should I settle for both?

rock-paper-scissors-933320-mAlthough these seem like insignificant decisions, this behavior has permeated every other part of my life. I have become so consumed by the idea of “options,” that sometimes the fear of making the wrong decision or the idea of settling for second best drives me crazy. I go out to dinner and scan the menu. Sea scallops, filet mignon, and salmon grab my attention. “Are you ready to order?” “Uh…no. I still need a few more minutes, thanks.” The waiter comes by another two times and I decide that whatever comes out of my mouth first is the final decision I will make.

I go to a store. I spot 3 dresses I want, but have a limited budget. Which will I choose? What’s the most practical choice? What makes me feel like a million bucks? Impulse drives the decision here.

I like to think that I’m very self aware. I like what I like, and what I don’t. However, it seems that I can’t choose out of the likes category. I drove the love of my life away because I couldn’t decide if having a solid future with him in the long run would actually happen. I couldn’t conceive of the idea that if I made the wrong decision, I would regret it the rest of my life. Now, realizing the consequences of my actions, I want to prove that he’s the one I want to fight for to have back in my life. I want to push forward and be able to decisions without the fear of things possibly going wrong. My heart knows what it wants. I’m willing to take the risk….but what if it doesn’t work? What if it’s too late?

Ugh, I have a headache already.

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7 Comments Add yours

  1. mganou says:

    Ah! Story of my life haha. And I feel you, I just hate it. And the irony of it is, we have trouble deciding because we fear we would choose the wrong option, but in the end delaying it so much turns out against us and we end up losing anyway, such as the love of your life you mentioned. I really hope you two can work it out with time, and wishing you the best!!

  2. thiggins99 says:

    Procrastination of anything is frustrating, not too mention being conscious of the fact that some of the most trivial options in your life some how start paralleling your most major decisions like the one that go away. However, I think that internal struggle to weigh those options will help you find better ones in the future including the one you thought you drove away.

  3. liachristilautomo says:

    Hi Gigi,
    I feel that way too sometimes. It’s hard because at some point we feel that we are making the right decision but then another ‘great’ option pass by through our mind. i had the same issue with my ex — yes i regret it happen and i still feel awful sometimes but i learned a lot from my past. i hope you can work it out with him 🙂

  4. gigilauren says:

    @thiggins99: I have realized that life is a learning process and every experience counts towards the bigger picture. It’s just hard to see that when you’re in the middle of the decision-making process.

  5. gigilauren says:

    @mganou: Thank you for understanding this struggle! Maybe it’s a coming of age thing…? .I guess I’ll find out as time goes on.

  6. yunfei says:

    I have this same problem, too! I think one reason is that we fear to make wrong decisions. Another reason is our choices are limited, as you said our budget is limited. Imagine, if you have a lot of money, will you struggle with 3 dresses? You’ll definitely buy them all. So if you have a lot of admirers, will you regret that you drove the love of your life away? You probably won’t care any more. What I’m trying to say is, if you truly find the man of your life, you won’t be doubted. You’ll certainly know. So maybe he isn’t the love of your life. Just follow your heart. 🙂

  7. zymia says:

    This happens to me all the time, but I say its better to regret it than to not regret it.. In other ways.. the only way to know if something is truly not meant for you is to try it. If not you are going to be wondering for life.

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