First Time is Always the Best

This is not the first time I have written a blog. While the sentiment I have towards blogging hasn’t changed much (utterly Never Look Backfearful of “baring” too much of my soul and simply unable to decide what to write about), I imagine this experience will be better than and more valuable than the last (#fingerscrossed).

 

From the age of 18 until just before turning 23, I lived in Sydney, Australia. Somewhere around halfway through my stay, at 20, I met Andrew. Andrew was 26 and seemingly “the man of my dreams.” Techy by day and surfer by night, with an Australian accent to match his year-round tan, how could I not?! – #brainsandbrawns and to say it like an Aussie, “full-on” sex appeal.

We were friends for about a year and then dated for several months before deciding together, with our families’ knowledge, that we should get married. I had a life there, friends, the job I had always wanted and most of all, an immovable desire to stay in Australia. He was getting “up there” in age, and of course we were in love so our decision made sense. At this time, I was 22 and he was 28.

 

When one person in a relationship in an immigrant, it often means things tend play out differently that they traditionally might. I never had a ring, and in order to get a fiancé visa I had to leave the country, meaning we would spend the month leading up to our wedding apart. Upon arriving to my small hometown, my mother and I immediately started the planning process. One of the main things she wanted to be a part of was helping me to find my dress. On the first trip to a wedding dress boutique I found it. It was the second one I looked at and it had just come into the store, so I was the only person to ever try it on. They say when you find it you know, and I’d say you do.

 

About three months after leaving Australia, and just days after officially purchasing my wedding dress, I got the call. It was Andrew and he had met someone else. From that moment and in the months that followed I “lost” a lot. I said good bye to friends and those who had become family, I said good bye to my dream job, my lifestyle, my savings (tying up loose ends can be expensive. #immigrantproblems), my apartment on the corner of Danks and Crystal Street, the man I thought I would spend my life with, and most depressingly the country I wanted so badly to be my home. (…but somehow not the *%&! dress – you can still see the “For Sale” ad here.)

 

As many of us often do, following the break-up I immediately started to do things that I hoped would make him regret his decision. I acted “ok” and picked up hobbies that were well and truly not for my benefit, like was blogging. Being “techy” as he was, he f*ing loved to blog and so, #desperatetimes called for #desperatemeasures (and I was desperate). I knew he’d see it and knew he might even read it and for a while I needed that. I was utterly terrible at it and eventually I realized I didn’t really care if he was reading my blog and ultimately that it wasn’t healthy to care anyway, so I stopped.

 

I’ve heard it said before that the “first time is always the best.” I for one will admit, I’ve had plenty of firsts that were NOT the best (I think we all can. #sothatswhatIvebeenwaitingfor?! #isthatevenaposition?!). Some of those times are hilarious in hindsight, while others still sting. Unfortunately for me, my first engagement was not “the best,” neither was my first job interview, or the first time I applied to NYU, or (less importantly) my first blog. So, as I begin to blog for the second time in my life, I’m hoping that when it matters, that we get more than one chance to make it work. That it’s possible for the second, or third, or maybe even the fourth time to be the best.

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8 Comments Add yours

  1. yunfei says:

    Hi nicolelundergan,
    Your story reminds me of a blog disaster I had before. I broke up with my ex because he was hanging out with another girl all the time. He insisted they were just friends, but we broke up anyway. Two weeks later, I found out they were officially together. So I posted a blog on my space(only a few friends knew) and complained about how dumb I was before. Later on he saw that, and he posted a paper long blog on Renren(Chinese version Facebook) accusing me interfering his new relationship with that girl. All our friends witnessed this drama. Sometimes blogging because of an unsuccessful relationship can be a really bad idea.

    1. 2muchmelo says:

      Hey, Nicolelundergan
      Love is let’s face it the one things that will make people to the craziest things. Love will have you drunk in the middle of the street crying and screaming to the top of your lungs “please take me back!” Trust me I seen it with my own two eyes and I was pissed because it was 5am and I have to work the next morning. My room-mates ex boyfriend wasn’t taking the break-up Good at all. Humans lie, steal,cheat, kill for love so writing a little blogpost to me about it is ok everynow and then. I think venting to your friends, family or a blog post is just one of those forms or venting. One thing I live by ;it’s not what you say it’s how you say it.

      1. nicolelundergan says:

        2muchmelo – Your story is quite hilarious. I can’t say I’ve ever witnessed such a scene in the name of love (although I have thought about doing it plenty of times myself! Guilty as charged.). I appreciate the affirmation that it is ok to get a little crazy sometimes and that my blog was such a horrible way to have reacted! 🙂

    2. nicolelundergan says:

      Hey Yunfei! I am glad to see someone else has been there as well! I couldn’t agree more – reacting to anything in a public forum is most likely always going to be a bad idea! Unlike your situation, I don’t think many people ever read my blog but I can imagine it was a bit overwhelming to have all of your friends in on such a private matter!! Lesson learned!

  2. jtinari says:

    Hey Nicole!

    Wow, I’ve known you for almost four years now and I never knew you were this close to being married. What a hearbreaking scenario. I can’t imagine the feeling, and definitely agree with your decision to vent it out through a blog. I’ve done the same, and yea it doesn’t always turn out too swell. I’ve learned that sometimes the best thing to do, (and hold on to your seat because i’m bringing it back to a time before social media) is to actually write a letter and then throw it away. You get he same satisfaction of letting all of your feelings out, but in the end, you don’t have the temptation or the means to send it out on a social platform where you can’t get it back! It sounds cheesy, I mean who picks up a pen and paper anymore? BUT I’ve found it to be a good alternative.

    Hopefully from now on, your firsts will be the best. Just think about it. There is no way trying ice-cream for the first time can ever go wrong! (I’m sure you’ve tried ice cream before), but there are definitely things you can try for the first time that won’t turn out so terribly!

  3. remimuniz says:

    Hey Nicole,

    I remember when I was in film class and we used your story for our documentary. When I saw the footage I could not believe that you went through such heartbreak. Love is such a difficult thing and I honestly commend you for being able to deal with that at such a young age. I think your story is inspiring because you came out being the stronger person. You gained much more than you lost.

    1. nicolelundergan says:

      Remi – thank you so much for your kind words! I had completely forgot about that assignment and how shocked the people closest me were to find out a bit of my story! Even now I am thankful for that experience because it was a reminder that its possible to gain so much from something that initially feels like it can only ever be a lose.

  4. mganou says:

    Hey Nicole,

    Thank you so much for sharing such a personal story! I believe you are an example of courage and of how such a difficult experience can make us stronger. Yes that does sound a little cliché, but I am sure in time you have grown to see how this can be the truth.
    I personally very recently (just a month ago) went through a very difficult breakup, I had been doing long distance with my almost 2 year boyfriend who was American, and we had just spent the past 6 months only communicating through letters due to him being in the Army (yes, as Justine said: “who picks up a pen and paper anymore?”) and when I finally found a way to get admitted to an american university and moved back to the USA in hopes of staying here forever and building a future with this man, he came back from the Army and decided to break up with me because of how the Army made him a different man who no longer needs someone at his side. It was even more painful because the guy whom I had fallen in love with was gone, and instead of him was this cold hearted Army guy.
    So yeah sorry, this was long, and even though our stories are different, I profoundly believe that those scars make us stronger and teach us a lot!

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